Running Up That Hill
by BloodyAileen
Summary: Poland decides that it's time to stop running from the ghosts of the past and apologize to Lithuania and maybe more... LietPol fluff
1. Chapter 1

_It started faintly but as Poland started to come closer he could see Lithuania in the middle of the rye fields looking at the horizon quietly. The wind was blowing softly on his light brown hair and he seemed so calm on that moment that Poland couldn't help but smile. The Lithuanian was always worried about something, always concerned and that gave him some stomach aches but seeing him right there so peaceful was something worth looking at, Poland thought. Lithuania was his dear friend deep down and even though he tormented him a bit he actually cared for him. On his own polish way of course. He wanted them to be closer to have something that would always connect them but what?..._

_He frowned for a bit pondering. He could give him some necklace or something but he doubted that Lithuania would appreciate the same kind of necklaces that he liked and besides that Poland didn't wanted something physical. He wanted beyond that, something special that couldn't be touched but they both knew it was always there. And then it stroke him._

_- Liet I've made a decision! – he shouted loudly making the Lithuanian turn to look at him a bit suspiciously._

_- Please tell me that it does not include painting all the animals of your country pink… Because I've already explained to you why that can't be._

_- Like Liet that idea is soooo last day! Update yourself and totally listen to me! – was it possible that Liet was always so suspicious of him? Alright it was true he had his reasons but that was no time to joke around!_

_- Fine fine… What is it?_

_- We should have like a meeting spot on your country! – Poland smiled happily with his idea. It might not seem much but he knew how much Liet loved a certain place that was already special to him so he wanted to make it even more special._

_- Meeting spot? But Poland it's not that hard to find me…_

_- Like it totally is! I can never find you at first try and I get bored and tired and your capital is like totally confusing to walk around and Pony totally doesn't like crowded places and I totally don't like them either! I totally want a quieter place to meet you! – he said determinately._

_- I suppose it's alright… Very well you have any idea?_

_- Tak! (Yes) On that sacred forest of yours that you told me! You know, the one where that wolf appeared to your king and all that stuff about your capital. And don't tell me because it's sacred I can't totally go in! _

_- So you did listened to my story! _

_- Like Liet I totally told you that I did~ - Poland purred a bit, he liked to tease the Lithuanian and see how red he got every single time he talked like that._

_- Well you started doing that weird thing so I thought…_

_- I always listen to you Liet. I totally like listen to you talking._

_- Ah… W-Well… Thank you. I'm glad to know that you listen to me._

_- Of course that it doesn't mean that I totally do everything you say~_

_- Oh trust me I've noticed that a long time ago_

_- Anyway enough of this can it be on your forest or what?_

_- Alright Poland if you want to be on the forest let it be on the forest, but let me warn you that that place is big and I don't know if you…_

_- I want it to be on a special place Liet. A special place for you. So I want it to be on the Hill of Crosses._

He woke up suddenly in the dark of his room, breathless. Again with the same dream. Every single night he would dream with Lithuania and every single night he would wake up with the bitter taste of regret on his mouth and a painful heavy weight on his chest.

- Like I get it I was stupid… I shouldn't had let him go… - he turned around to his right staring at the silence blackness of his room – I totally laughed at him… I mocked him and I didn't helped him when he needed to…

He was caught by the Russian years later too but even when they were together again, Poland never had the guts for truly speaking with Lithuania about what happened, how he was truly sorry, how he shouldn't had laughed and…

- I totally love you…

"_Even if you, like, hate me...It totally doesn't change that I like you"_

Now he could see how much he really meant those words because when he said them Poland didn't thought thoroughly about their meaning he just said it without wondering much about them.

- "So why don't I do something about it?..." – Poland asked himself for the billionth time – "It's because I'm totally a coward right?... Like I can never say what I mean for real… Except when it's to mess up things I'm like a totally genius on it"

But Lithuania was fine now, wasn't he? He saw it on TV, he was finally free from the Soviet Union, he had won his independence so he should be happy. He remembered how he wouldn't get out in the front of the TV between the days of 11 and 13 of January. He had to know, he had to see everything. His heart wouldn't stop pounding it was his Liet that was there, he couldn't miss it. He didn't slept or moved from there, he drank every word that was said and prayed that it would end quickly and without much fuss.

On the 13th of January his clock was marking 00:50 when his heart skipped a beat. Tanks and soldiers gathered around the TV tower of Vilnius while shots were fired against to civilians, which made Poland gasp in panic while seeing 13 bodies fall on the ground lifeless, 2 of them crushed by tanks

- Mój Boże… (My God) - he muttered lowly twisting his fingers scared about what would happen next – Liet…

Suddenly it echoed a voice in Lithuanian on several speakers, coming directly from the TV tower: "Broliai lietuviai, nacionalistų ir separatistų vyriausybė, kuri priešpastatė save liaudžiai, nuversta. Eikite pas savo tėvus, vaikus!" (Brother Lithuanians! The nationalist and separatist government which confronted the people has been overthrown! Go [home] to your parents and children!)

He understood enough Lithuanian to know what it was transmitted and on that moment Poland swore that he had a blank. He only remembered to snap out of it minutes later, his heart felt like it dropped at his feet. Was it really over? Lithuania was free?...

At 1:00 he started to panic again, more shots were fired into the building over the heads of the civilians, the TV live broadcast was interrupted and the last image Poland saw was a soviet soldier running towards the camera and turning it off.

- Nie! (No) Fucking hell! – he got up and he was ready to go to Liet he had to see if he was alright.

- Stop right there! – his boss held him by his arm – You are not going anywhere Feliks!

- Let me go I have to! I have totally to do something this time!

- There's nothing you can do you can't just go there as you please! You are a country think of the implications! Think of your people!

He slammed his hands against the table, trying not to break down and cry in front of his boss. All his body was shaking and he could feel the warm tears on his eyes. Poland knew all of that and he couldn't stand to see his people hurt again, he'd rather die to see any of them hurt. That was the price of being a country personification, you would live forever but you couldn't afford to be selfish to the point to put your population in danger.

- Once again…. I-I'm… Leaving you totally behind Liet…. Like I can never do anything for you….. – he stuttered, feeling the tears falling on the table but he wasn't caring anymore, the despair and the inability of helping the person he loved the most overwhelmed the polish.

- Feliks… - his boss tried to console him by putting his hand on his shoulder – I know it's very hard for you but…

- Nie możesz wiedzieć… (You don't know) It's been like centuries… Centuries that I have totally been letting him down… But you're totally right… I can't interfere for the sake of my people… All I can do is wait for a miracle…

He shifted to the left on his bed remembering the rest of the night.

The transmission came back thanks to a small studio, pleading for anyone who could to broadcast what was happening. Hours later it was worldwide and in the morning, Poland's long wait was over when he saw him. Suddenly and out of nowhere Toris appeared. Lithuania was alright, he looked exhausted and with some wounds that were bleeding a bit but he was fine.

- You're totally ok… - he mumbled relieved, thanking god under his breath trying to not cry again.

A huge crowd was concentrated in front of Supreme Council building, making anti-tank barricades and his Liet at its head orienting everyone.

It was a while since Poland saw Lithuania stand tall and with a fierce and determined expression on his face. For once he and all the world could see the fire on Toris eyes and Feliks knew on that moment that the iron wolf would not be overwhelmed again. On the snow, the crowds sang in unison and Liet accompanied them without moving from his spot right in front of his people, despite some tanks and military cars started to move against them but it was useless and in the end the Soviet military forced retreated and Lithuania was its own independent country once again.

Last thing Poland saw before turning the TV off breathless and shaking due to nerves and stress was Toris being overwhelmed by his people hugging him and his face with some tears running off and the happiest of the smiles.

Feliks smiled bitterly on the dark remembering all of it.

- Like sometimes I totally forget… That you totally don't need my help anymore Liet… You needed once and I failed but now you are fine…

"_Poland how can you be so selfish sometimes?"_ – Lithuania's voice echoed on his head – Am I being totally selfish Liet?... Do I want to help you because like deep down I want totally for you to need me?...

The silence fell on that room, crushing and terrifying but after minutes looking directly on the eyes of the darkness Poland got up suddenly off his bed almost tripping on the rug of his room to turn on the lights.

- Jestem tym zmęczony! (I'm tired of this) – his reflection on the mirror showed a messy blond hair and dark shadows under his green eyes but for once Feliks couldn't care a bit about his looks – I'm totally sick of wondering and pondering about the "ifs" and the "buts" I'm like going to finish this!

****

(I hope you all liked the first chapter, sorry for being so dramatic and serious for now but the fluff part will come don't worry. I know that we are not used to see Poland so serious because he's such a lively character but I actually enjoyed writing and exploring this side of him, it's not something that we see everyday but he has his ghosts but he keeps them hidden. This will probably be two chapters but let's see if I can write more than it. Reviews are more than welcome thank you!)


	2. Chapter 2

If there was one thing that Poland's boss liked that thing was punctuality, unfortunately for him Feliks wasn't exactly the most responsible person when it came to following schedules especially the ones that involved his person to get up of the bed before lunchtime but a meeting with the rest of the government was something important and although he always showed up late it was never an hour late.

- I swear… If he tells me that he stayed up all night watching another of his series… - his boss muttered – God help him because he's so going to hear from me…

The rest of the people was getting impatient and the whispers about why was Poland taking so long echoed on the room, they had to keep going with the meeting, several issues were in cause and it was extremely rude and unprofessional of him to be so late.

- Sir excuse me – one of the youngest politicians turned to Poland's boss clearly annoyed – Is this going to take much longer? We have a lot to do and our country is more than late so can we proceed without him?

- Nie (No), obviously that we cannot, Feliks will be here soon – he said with a sigh massaging the sides of his head with two fingers. Or at least he hoped so. The boy had passion in his heart no one could doubt it and although he seemed always laid back he cared about all of his people and on the meetings he could look distracted but every now and then he showed that he was listening to everything by giving striking answers that no one could argue about - "Honestly Feliks only if you showed up in time…"

He was getting worried about Poland though, it was obvious that he wasn't as cheery as usual and he started sleeping poorly like something was preventing him to fall asleep. He didn't told Feliks that he knew the reason for that but the fact is that after Lithuania gained his independence he started to have some moments of remorse and got sad sometimes. He was still the same Feliks, loud, brash and completely crazy random that didn't cared about anyone's opinion but when things started to go quieter he would go to the window to stare at the fields and his boss knew by his eyes that he was thinking about Lithuania. Those green eyes gained a complete different spark every time Toris crossed his mind, but lately that spark transmitted a longing and missing feeling.

On last week Poland had come home from shopping not all hyped up and excited to show everyone his new clothes but instead he came silent and barely spoke to anyone. Hungary had went with him and she was straddling along concerned about her friend but he didn't seemed up to talk to anyone at all not even to her, his best friend that he would tell anything.

- Like Eli I'm totally going to put this on my room ok? Wait here. – he said strangely serious while leaving a very worried Hungary in the middle of the living room. He was passing through, he had to discuss some matters with Poland when he saw her sitting on a chair looking to the ground.

- Miss Hungary? – he asked approaching her – How are you?

- Oh – she said getting up and shaking his hand – Mister. I'm good thank you. I just came to help Feliks with his shopping… You know how he is, he buys too much and then he can't carry everything by himself…

- Tak (Yes) I know. I'm glad you're always around Miss Hungary, you're a good friend to Poland.

- No need to thank me sir he's my best friend. – she said smiling but he could see the worry on her eyes.

- Is something wrong?... He usually comes all making all the fuss in the world about his new clothes and today not a single word…

- Oh… Well… Something happened yes… Well not exactly but Feliks…

His boss sat next to her, he had the feeling that it was more important than it actually seemed.

- Start from the beginning.

- We were at the shops like we normally do. Well he was shopping I was already so tired of walking, watching so many pink dresses that I had to sit up for a while. When he finally came out dragging more bags next to him he left them with me and was ready to go see more shops but then… He saw him at the end of the street.

- He saw who on the- - he stopped then, he knew the answer – Lithuania.

- Igen. (Yes) – Hungary nodded - I have been trying to convince Feliks to talk with him because it's obvious that he can't take this anymore and he also…

- He loves him. I know. He always did.

- But he just turns around and avoids him. He says that he can't face him. And then he gets like this. I told him that what happened between them and Lithuania was a long time ago and Toris isn't the one to hold a grudge against him. He cares a lot about Feliks I know but I also know that he thinks that… - she made a pause catching her breath, clearly that this situation was also bothering her she couldn't stand to see her friends like this.

- That?

- Toris never had the best self confidence in the world sir and he gets very nervous. He thinks that Poland is doing great and he doesn't want to bother him with his troubles. It hasn't been long since he gained his independence sir, he's still recovering but he doesn't want people to know but… I know how it is, winning back your independence and being proud enough to not ask for help – her green eyes suddenly became like iron, hard and cold, like she was remembering all the past and all she passed through. His boss understood, she had passed through a lot too and she had fought so many wars that she knew the price to pay. All the countries knew but she was one of the ones that knew best.

- I know miss. I know.

She smiled though, sweetly and proceeded.

- I'm very stubborn sir, I would never, ever accept help to getting up on my feet but that doesn't mean that help is wrong and my stubbornness isn't an example to anyone. Feliks could help Toris I know that. Only if one of them gave the first step to start talk normally again… And it has to be Feliks I'm sure of it. A wounded country will try to lick its wounds alone, Toris will never ask for help.

- The problem is that Feliks thinks that Lithuania hates him and he doesn't need him anymore.

- I know… But you know what? – she said smiling again – I trust Feliks to know that in the end he'll do the right thing. He's a phoenix right? And according to the legends phoenixes have healing powers so… Oh… - she blushed a bit embarrassed and chuckled to disguise it – Look at me saying silly things of mythology…

He smiled happily not minding at all.

- It's alright Miss Hungary, in fact it was extremely poetic and beautiful your thoughts. Healing tears to heal a wounded iron wolf. Sounds the title of a fairy tale.

- Hopefully one with a happy ending sir…

He stopped dozing off when a couple of voices called him back to reality. Poland's boss sat up straight coffing discreetly to compose himself. Unbelievable, he always scolded Feliks for day dreaming and now he was doing the same.

- Sir this can't be we must start this meeting at once!

He got up suddenly from his seat heading for the door without a word only a firm glance on his eyes.

- Where are you going?

- I'll be right back. I'll go call Poland – his boss answered quickly without even looking back – "_Rise…_" - he thought while walking towards Feliks' room – "_You always rose back Feliks do it again I know you can! Show them that you are the phoenix, you've gone through worse and always showed how much of fighting spirit you have!_"

There it was, he could see already the door to his room but he wasn't hearing any noise from there which meant that Poland didn't even had gotten up.

- Feliks Łukasiewicz wake up right on this- - he opened the door abruptly convinced that he would find the polish sleeping like a log and tucked up in his several pink blankets, surrounded by thousands of pink pillows and at least five pony plushies and three little dragons but not on that morning.

That morning the bed was made and the room wasn't a mess as it usually was. No, it was spotless and no signs of Poland. The window was open letting the sunrays shine through the whole room, illuminating something white that was on the top of the bed.

- What's this? – his boss wondered, picking it to see. He gasped in surprise when he realized that Poland actually had left prepared all his work to the meeting of this morning – This boy… - he smiled happily. Picking up his paperwork he noticed that another smaller note had fallen and he picked it up. Scribbled on the paper was clearly Poland's handwriting.

"_I've made a decision and I'm not coming back until I'm done with what I have to do. It doesn't matter what is the result, what it matters is that finally I gained courage to do what I should have done a long time ago, that is stop being stubborn and try to be honest for once without jokes. Liet deserves that from me at least once and my apologies even if he decides to not forgive me. I promise that when you see me again I'll be fine and back to normal ready to bother you every single day with my fabulous stuff. Also thank Eli for me, if it wasn't for her I would never had the guts to do this~_"

His boss smiled while leaving the room. The phoenix had risen again.

****

(So apparently there's going to be one extra chapter I was counting with writing only two but as you can see things got long. I apologize in advance this chapter was more boring I know, but I wanted to explain things properly than rather just skip to the main part. I felt that if I did that I would chop some moments so I opted to write everything without skipping anything. Also I promise that next chapter it will be more Lithuania centred since I barely wrote about his side of the story and focused mainly on Poland. Still I hoped you enjoyed it and as always reviews are more than welcome, thank you!)


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